"I'm Fine." Anxiety's Biggest Lie

If I had $10 for every time someone asked me how I was doing and I answered with, "I'm fine," even though I was literally falling apart on the inside... I wouldn't be writing this. I'd be on the beach with my fav drink, chilling; everyday. I probably wouldn't still be fine though. Even though the beach is my happy place, anxiety has a way of taking that away. And just pretending it's gone or avoiding it doesn't make it better.

Let's be honest, most people aren't asking how you truly are, when they say, "Hey, how ya doing?" They are going through the small-talk motions and they are looking for the standard 'fine' or 'good' sort of answer. But why is that still the answer when you know someone genuinely cares about your wellbeing and really does want an honest answer? Why is that the knee-jerk, go-to reaction?

When you are an adult with high-functioning anxiety, PTSD, CPTSD, depression, trauma... The list goes on, you have this autopilot thought process that says, I must maintain the 'I have it all together look' because if anyone realizes I'm literally cracking inside, they will know (insert fear here). Guess what?? This is anxiety.

The fears usually range from:

I'm an imposter. I'm not good enough. I don't really know what I'm doing. I need help. I'm still battling the same demons. I'm struggling and can't solve my own problems. I'm not perfect... The crazy part about the fears, they are rarely actually true.

Why do you do this? Because it's easier to give some BS answer than it is to acknowledge that the fears... are actually your fears. Your limiting beliefs. Your thinking and feeling errors about YOU. They are learned, internalized trash talk that have become survival skills to avoid feeling anymore discomfort AKA big, hard-to-manage feelings.

Why is it so hard to stop doing this to yourself, even when you know it's not helping?

Because it takes more than a band-aid thinking exercise to change deeply internalized beliefs. It takes more than a pop psychology TikTok video from an influencer who has copy and pasted some random... my therapist once said... post.

So how do you get to the point where you are actually fine? You do the work. The ugly, messy, deep dive work that is required to make long-term changes in life.

Not gonna lie, it's tough. The real work, the changing deeply held beliefs that have become part of your identity and survival skills kind of work, is hard. But when you have the right kind of support and help, it's a lot easier. You realize, you're not alone. You realize, It's ok that you're not fine because you're working on it.

You realize, being fine on the inside feels a hell of a lot better than just looking fine on the outside.

If you're in the high-functioning, fine on the outside, cracking on the inside club... I'm glad you're here. I understand what it feels like to be in the club and I deeply know what it feels like to be truly fine, inside and out.

If you're ready to start working towards actually being internally fine, online anxiety therapy in Hawaii can help and I can help. Although I'm based in Kailua-Kona, HI, as a therapist licensed in Hawaii, I can see people on any island! There's no better time to hit the contact tab and we'll talk about it. I'm ready when you are.

I'm Fine - Appearing to have it all together on the outside while falling apart on the inside.