Why You Can’t “Just Stop Eating Like That”: The Truth About Control, Comfort & Coping

You’ve told yourself this before:
“This is the last time.”
“I just need more willpower.”
“Tomorrow, I’ll start fresh.”

But then life happens. Stress builds. Emotions feel too big—or completely numb. And suddenly, you’re deep in a pattern of emotional eating you swore you’d stop.

If food has become your comfort, your reward, your punishment, or your way of coping—you’re not broken.
You’re surviving. You're trying to find a cozy blanket for all the internal things that feel a little too big to face. And food provides a nice cozy blanket

It’s Not Just About Food

People often think an eating disorder is only about severe restriction or purging. Binge eating and emotional eating are eating disorders also. One thing all eating disorders have in common is that they aren't actually about food at all. They're about something much deeper.

Sometimes food is the only thing that feels predictable in the chaos. It provides a sense of control
Sometimes it’s how you disconnect from life and distract yourself from the chaos you are living.
Sometimes it’s how you try to feel something when you’re numb or avoid feeling something that's too big.

Disordered eating—whether it looks like restricting, bingeing, emotional eating, or compulsive food thoughts—isn’t about weakness.
It’s about unmet needs, unprocessed pain and trying to soothe a nervous system that’s stuck in overdrive.

Control, Comfort & Coping

All of the clients I work with didn’t wake up one day and choose an eating disorder as their preferred way to feel better about life. It wasn’t vanity. It wasn’t about trying to be perfect. For many people, it started as a survival skill. A way to make sense of at least one thing in their life.

When you grew up with trauma, emotional neglect or the pressure to always “have it together,” food becomes more than food.
It becomes:

• Control in a world that felt unpredictable

• Comfort when no one else was emotionally safe

• Escape when you weren’t allowed to feel or express emotions

• Rebellion when perfectionism became exhausting

Your patterns developed for a reason—and that reason deserves compassion, not shame.

Why "Just Stop" Doesn't Work

If you could’ve “just stopped,” you would have. If you could have just had one bite, your would have. If you could have chosen something other than emotional eating, you would have. I know without doubt, you would have. I know without doubt, I would have.

But when food is your coping mechanism, taking it away without replacing it just leaves you exposed. It leaves you without anything to create order in your life. That’s why willpower-based approaches rarely work. They don't consider all the facts, all the parts of you that so depend on that next bite of food lighting up all the feel good places in you.
They treat the symptom, not the root.

Real healing means:

• Exploring the emotional patterns underneath the habit

• Learning to regulate your nervous system in safer ways

• Unlearning the shame you’ve carried around your body, your hunger and your needs

• Building a relationship with food—and yourself—that isn’t based on punishment

This isn’t about perfection. It’s about freedom.

You Don't Have to Figure this Out Alone

If your relationship with food feels exhausting, shame-filled or like it’s taking over your life—even if no one else knows—it’s okay to ask for support.

I provide online therapy across Hawai‘i for adults who are tired of playing the yo-yo dieting game that always ends in shame. Many of them are overachievers, caretakers and perfectionists who use food as a way to cope with pain they’ve never been given space to name.

Eating disorder therapy with me isn’t about food rules. It’s about getting real, going deep and creating a new way to see yourself, your struggles and your successes.

Whether you’ve been stuck in this cycle for years or you’re just starting to realize something’s not quite right—you’re not too far gone and you’re not alone.

Ready to Break the Cycle?

Let’s explore the roots together. I offer trauma-informed, person-centered therapy for disordered eating, anxiety and emotional overwhelm—online across all Hawaiian islands.

You don’t have to go back to who you were.
You get to become who you were always meant to be.

Learn more about working with me

I'm here. I'm ready. And so are you. 🤍