Why You Can’t “Just Stop Eating Like That”: The Truth About Control, Comfort & Coping

You’ve told yourself this before:
“This is the last time.”
“I just need more willpower.”
“Tomorrow, I’ll start fresh.”

But then life happens. Stress builds. Emotions feel too big—or completely numb. And suddenly, you’re deep in a pattern you swore you’d stop.

If food has become your comfort, your reward, your punishment, or your way of coping—you’re not broken.
You’re surviving.

It’s Not Just About Food

People often think disordered eating is about food, body image, or discipline. But if you’ve lived it, you know better.

Sometimes food is the only thing that feels predictable in the chaos.
Sometimes it’s how you disconnect from pain.
Sometimes it’s how you try to feel something when you’re numb.

Disordered eating—whether it looks like restricting, bingeing, emotional eating, or compulsive food thoughts—isn’t about weakness.
It’s about unmet needs, unprocessed pain, and trying to soothe a nervous system that’s stuck in overdrive.

Control, Comfort, & Coping

Most of the clients I work with didn’t wake up one day and choose disordered eating. It wasn’t vanity. It wasn’t about trying to be perfect. It started as a survival skill.

When you grew up with trauma, emotional neglect, or the pressure to always “have it together,” food becomes more than food.
It becomes:

• Control in a world that felt unpredictable

• Comfort when no one else was emotionally safe

• Escape when you weren’t allowed to feel or express emotions

• Rebellion when perfectionism became exhausting

Your patterns developed for a reason—and that reason deserves compassion, not shame.

Why "Just Stop" Doesn't Work

If you could’ve “just stopped,” you would have.

But when food is your coping mechanism, taking it away without replacing it just leaves you exposed. That’s why willpower-based approaches rarely work.
They treat the symptom, not the root.

Real healing means:

• Exploring the emotional patterns underneath the habit

• Learning to regulate your nervous system in safer ways

• Unlearning the shame you’ve carried around your body, your hunger, and your needs

• Building a relationship with food—and yourself—that isn’t based on punishment

This isn’t about perfection. It’s about freedom.

You Don't Have to Figure this Out Alone

If your relationship with food feels exhausting, shame-filled, or like it’s taking over your life—even if no one else knows—it’s okay to ask for support.

I work with high-achieving adults across Hawai‘i who are tired of pretending they’re fine. Many of them are overachievers, caretakers, and perfectionists who use food as a way to cope with pain they’ve never been given space to name.

Therapy with me isn’t about rules. It’s about getting real, going deep, and creating something different.

Whether you’ve been stuck in this cycle for years or you’re just starting to realize something’s not quite right—you’re not too far gone, and you’re not alone.

Ready to Break the Cycle?

Let’s explore the roots together. I offer trauma-informed, person-centered therapy for disordered eating, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm—online across all Hawaiian islands.

You don’t have to go back to who you were.
You get to become who you were always meant to be.

Learn more about working with me

I'm here. I'm ready. And so are you. 🤍